At the Creek
Her name was Pam.
We were fishing at the creek in early April you and me.
Skipping out, pretending we were on our own, no parents. Walking along the water's edge, she was sitting there, our dream girl.
Jeans rolled up to her knees, glasses, long brown hair. She glanced at my Star Wars shirt,
"You into Sci Fi?" she said.
I didn't know what to say, so you said, "Yeah. He's a nerd." We all laughed.
We took turns impressing her, but I let you win. I was willing to fade into the background as a sidekick, a henchman. I didn't want the girl, I wanted you to be happy. I wanted you.
She came up again when you were living at my place. We were talking about Gracie, how strong she was, being faced with the divorce of her mom and dad. I thought of the girl we met at the creek that day. She was that kind of strong.
"You know this is all a mistake," said Pam.
"Yeah." I said before you, before I even knew what she said. You were really listening.
"I mean people. Why do we live if we're just going to die anyway? That seems like a mistake."
You clenched your teeth. You were thinking hard. I wanted you to understand what she was saying, because I did, and I agreed with her. I wanted you to figure it out and feel good about yourself. I wanted you.
"Oh yeah." I said, then realized how stupid I sounded. But it made us laugh, and her too.
I agreed with Pam then and still do. Seems like a mistake.
I'm sorry you couldn't find love on the internet. I would have told you that dating was no good for you. I wanted you to reevaluate. I wanted you.
It wouldn't have meant anything, our night together. You would have called it a mistake. We needed a connection, a new level of commitment. Something you would never forget.
I like your doctor, she's cute. The dark hair and glasses. She reminds me of that girl we met at the creek, the day in early April, when we were fishing and pretending we were on our own. The day I let my self love you.
She says we can start Chemotherapy, but HIV has weakened your immune system, and that makes it risky.
I admit that I planned some of what happened. But I didn't seduce you, and I could'nt have foreseen cancer. I don't regret it. Now, we will be together forever. Don't think of it like "I infected you," think of it as our "Link," our "Bond." You would have called it a mistake, our night together. Now, you got me to help you through it, and I got you.
I got you.